The deepest self-deception

You know the bottle doesn’t solve anything.
You’re not stupid.
You’re not blind.
You know exactly what’s happening.

But the greatest deception is this
You believe you can handle the pain alone.

Not just emotionally alone
but existentially alone,
as if no one has ever carried
the exact weight you carry.

So you think
“I won’t burden anyone.”
“I have to take this on my own.”
“It’s my responsibility to bear.”

And then it comes...

That burning in the chest.
Not fire.
Not longing.
But a pressure that says:
Drink.
Now.

That moment where your body moves
before your will does,
where resisting feels like choking
on your own heartbeat.

And when it gets too heavy,
the bottle is there
not as joy,
but as compromise.

The bottle is not your friend.
But it’s the only one that asks no questions.
It demands nothing of you.
It doesn’t judge.
It doesn’t ask you to explain.
It pretends to listen.

And that’s why it feels safe.

This is the deepest self-deception:
You use alcohol to avoid feeling alone,
but it is the alcohol that makes you alone.